Ok, so I’ve been itching to write this. Interracial dating and these weird ass fetishes men have about Asian American women. Men, take heed because this advice will drastically improve your chance of getting some ass….wait, I don’t want to help you creepers get ass – scratch that. This advice will help you not get your ass kicked or tased by some crazy female (I don’t have a taser, I promise).
Tip #1: Never ever EVER say “Me love you long time.”
This happened when I was living in Austin back in the day. I walked into a bar with my friend and we passed this group of white guys. Two of them decided to tag team us – which by the way is creepy and we’re not meat, k thanks. The first one strolled up to me and believe it or not, this ridiculous line was the first thing to come out of his mouth, “Me love you long time.” The other just simply told my friend that he “loves Asian women.” Really? Oh! Here is my taser!
Tip #2: Don’t talk about your balls.
Houston, Texas. My friend was at a really chill bar and wanted to play some skeeball. However, there weren’t any balls on the table. (Alright, alright you already know where I’m going with this but please bear with me. This is as painful as waiting for the dentist to fucking drill a hole in your mouth…I hate the dentist by the way). So these two guys sauntered up to my friend and one of them said, “Are you looking for some balls? These balls are too big for Asians.” I don’t know if I’m more offended that 1) you just mentioned a play on words about your own balls or 2) that you just insulted my vagina. Hold up dickwad, let me take off my earrings.
Alright, so I’m done giving tips. If you’re spewing shit like this to Asian/Asian American women or any other woman of color, it’s rightfully so that a female will open up a can of ass whooping on you. Whatever happened to approaching a woman in a respectful manner?
I think it’s important to draw the line between fetishizing someone and actually liking the individual for who they are. I don’t go around expecting something from someone i.e. how mostly white men expect Asian women to be submissive and fulfill their sexual needs OR perpetuating stereotypes i.e. me love you long time (Here is that extra shit - broken English! You so funny! HAHA! Fuck you.). It’s like me going up to a black man and saying, “Hey, I heard you’re hung, let’s get together.” Yeah – real smooth, Diane. But back to my point...men, if you take anything away from this post, just remember – no one likes fetishes. Contrary to what you may believe, you are NOT cool. And if you get your ass kicked, it’s your own damn fault.
-Diane
when i was at a bar one year for the UT vs. OU game, a white guy came up to me, raised his eyebrows, and said: hey girl, how do you say 'boomer sooner' in ching chong?
ReplyDeletei leaned in and whispered, "listen really closely" and then yelled as loud as i could, "your mother should of had an abortion."
from the wise words of comedian Jen Kwok: DATE AN ASIAN MAN or at least fuck one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pG9vYZmoqmg
The abortion part may have been taking it a bit far melissa lol
DeleteGreat read. I hear this dumb shit too often. -Alexis F
ReplyDeleteThanks Alexis! Doesn't it get tiring hearing the same shit over and over? I almost want to laugh in their faces (and I think I have on a number of occasions) because guys think they are being really smooth when in reality, they look like jackasses. What's the most outrageous line that's been said to you?
DeleteHey, don't diss dentistry.
ReplyDeletei hate dentists. but you're kinda cool.
DeleteDaniel.....do you enjoy going to a dentist's appointment? I have nightmares about those visits.
ReplyDeleteWhy? did your dentist say "me love you long time?" ;)
DeleteActually, it doesn't bother me that you dislike dentists or dentistry. I usually complain about dentistry once I get home from work ;)
Touche Daniel...touche lol
DeleteTIP #3: don't ask me 'where are you from, no where are u really from'.
ReplyDeleteTIP #4: don't say things like 'i loveeee asian women' or 'asian women are sooo hot' because my reply will always be 'you are suuuuuch a dumbass'.
TIP #5: DONT TRY TO GUESS MY ETHNICITY, especially by framing it with, "i bet i can guess what you are" or "you look so viet/korean/japanese/filipino.." etc.
TIP #5: DON'T BOW TO ME
TIP #6: DON'T TRY TO SPEAK VIET/KOREAN/JAPANESE/FILIPINO TO ME
TIP #7: DONT TELL ME YOU LOVE PHO/BA BIM BAP/SUSHI/LUMPIA as an opener or pick up line
whew, now that that's out in the open...calllllll meeeeeee.
Damn it Melissa, you gave too many tips!! Now, the douchebags have an advantage. Sad to say, I've actually experienced 5 out of the 6 tips you listed EXCEPT for the bowing. I'm just waiting for that day so I can try my new self-defense move.
DeleteSo what if I (An Asian Guy) decided to pull these lines on you gals? :)
ReplyDeleteDCL---
Deletethe same still applies for the most part. saying 'no, where are u really from', regardless of what race/ethnicity you are, is such a terrible move because you're saying 'no, i know u better than u do. let me tell you what you identify as..", same goes for #5. both = asshole.
OHHH i just realized i have two #5s. oops! typo in a fit of rageee while typing out all these maddening, but should be obvious, tips.
bowing to a woman, regardless of the suitor's race, will never turn her on. i can only speak for myself but i've never once said: eh, he was alright..until he bowed. my god, that bow."
the list goes on. ha.
actually DCL and DOUG, it'd be interesting to hear from a guy's perspective. have you ever had someone approach you or hit on you with a race-specific comment or line? i know i had a friend who had a white woman approach him, bow, and say "there's a new chinese restaurant that just opened, is it any good?" ack.
Mel,
ReplyDeleteHit on me? Let me think about that one.....hahahahah
In all seriousness, you did stir up a memory from YEARS ago. I can't quite remember how old I was (middle school or high school is my guess). I was shooting around at a court in Chinatown (in all places). There was a white dude shooting there (I seem to recall him being older, maybe college / 20's).
We played some one-on-one or something and we just talking. Somehow the guy asks if I am Japanese or something. He said I had some facial features like that. Now that i think about it, maybe the guy was HITTING ON ME?????? :D (Clueless at the time and sorry bro, don't play on that side!)
On the other hand, I did do that to a Asian girl working the front desk of a hotel in Virginia. I was talking to her (ok, i won't lie, semi hitting on her) and I just asked her if she was Korean (she was). These days, most "white" people lump the girls into this one "Asian category". But I can see the subtle differences between everyone.
Donald
Donald - it doesn't bother me that Asian guys ask me because there are just so many cultures under the term "Asian American." BUT it annoys me when mainly white guys or other guys ask me that and then try to impress me with what they know about my culture/language. I don't know...it just seems so fake to me!
Deleteright, i agree. i generally don't mind if an asian guy asks me, "are you viet/chinese/korean/filipino..etc" as long as it isn't followed by or was preceded by a presumptuous comment like "yeah, you're so obviously viet/chinese/korean/filipino" or "of course you're ______, you're doing this/here..." etc.
Deletei mean, with anything, there's a way to approach a topic and there is a way not to. you can tell if someone's being sincere and is genuinely curious or if someone's trying to get somewhere with their prodding.
i am reluctant to let asian guys off the hook when it comes to this sort of thing though because i've def had 'asians acting badly' moments when they do the same damn thing. in college, after an asian guy asked me what my major was and i said English, his response, i shit you not was: liberal arts?! what kind of asian are you.
um, yeah, he won zero points with that one.
"after an asian guy asked me what my major was and i said English, his response, i shit you not was: liberal arts?! what kind of asian are you. "
DeleteI would have replied, "a badass Asian bitch."
If only we were in the same city....guys would be running off with their tails between their legs. Don't get me wrong though, I think it takes a lot for a man to approach a woman - especially when there are women out there who will SHUT YOU DOWN like no other - and I can respect a man's game. But don't be disrespectful and rude.
Melissa / Diane,
ReplyDeleteYou gals are giving some ideas for blog posts and/or a picture collage. When a non Asian guy sees an Asian woman what does he see: Geisha, Dragon Lady, or basically (thanks to hollywood) a helpless girl that needs the great white hope to rescue her.
For guys, it's probably Bruce Lee, a waiter, or tech geek.
For whatever reason, non-Asians seem to have to associate people with something. If it's not any of the above images, then Asians are either known for their food or some pop culture thing (Manga, etc).
I could blog about this but an idea I had for picture collage was: Picture of asian woman (random) and some text along the lines: "When a man sees an Asian woman, he doesn't see her, he sees.....various different things". :)
I could also go the generic route: When non-Asians see Asian people, the y associate them with:
Panda Express, Bruce Lee, Sushi, Godzilla, etc, etc,......
Probably won't have time to do anything as I just got home from a late dinner. I was watching the Golden State Warriors play (I share season tickets with friends). May comment on other stuff too since I am resting a bit before I sleep.
Donald--
Deleteha, i actually have a comic i drew of something similar to your comment. it's old, back from college. will try to dig it up and upload it.
it's not exactly what you're saying, so you should def blog about it/draw it with your vision if u get the chance!
I'm a white guy and I find Asian girls more attractive than whites. The majority of white girls I know are superficial and annoying; I feel like I "connect" with Asian girls a lot more. BTW I'm not like the white guys you've mentioned lol. It must be really bad down south (rednecks!).
ReplyDeleteYou sound stupid by lumping All asian woman back in the same category u maybe connect with some asian woman but not all cause were all not the same because of race and u probably feel sad cause u cant get a white girl or even a asian thats why u made that comment Get a life Ur a REdneck too
Deletewhoa. hey now. i hear ya point about recognizing folks as individuals and not making blanket statements, but there's no need for name calling or such hate. we want american asians to be a safe open space for conversation. i understand such topics can stir up intense emotions, but finger pointing doesnt add anything to the discussion.
Deletei hope you'll continue reading our blog and will contribute to the dialogue without the personal attacks. thanks
Hi Anonymous,
ReplyDeletewe didnt want to paint all white guys with one brush--i'm sure there are some great guys out there. we were just writing about what we've experienced.
but if you ever have the urge to describe your asian partner as 'exotic' or ask if y'all can do some "weird karma sutra or fung shui shit" in bed---you find a computer and log onto americanasians.blogspot.com immediately. we'll talk you out of it.
we'll be your cyrano and get you lovin' the right way.
haha thanks for stopping by and for your comment!