i was listening to NRP's piece on why so many ph.d.s are on food stamps and couldn't help thinking that could have been me. i could have poured my heart into my essays, drained my bank account with application and test fees, cried and pulled my hair out anxiously, and spent 8 more years in school only to come out unrecognized for my merits and to be on welfare.
and while i did do all of those things, and did them hard, i am glad all 8 programs decided i sucked as a ph.d candidate.
i am glad i failed.
though it's hard and heart wrenching and down right shitty a lot (pretty much all) of the time, it's when you've failed, stripped of everything, left with just the very core of your being, that you remember you can start over.
i say this, not from retrospect because i've still got a seat on the strugglebus, but with hope and optimism. i guess that's all you're ever guaranteed.
so, go forth and fail more because with failure burgeons new dreams.
and no one said you're only allowed one.
- melissa
This is so touching.
ReplyDeleteI failed at one point too. Yes, in a school admission just like you. The admission status I had to my dream school was rescinded a couple of years back.
It does tear away at you if you let it. It tore at me for years.
Not sure if it's wise for me to write this failure here but whatever.
But then again, a previous old friend of mine said "maybe it was for the better".
Lo and behold, it actually was. I appreciate the university I graduated from now, a little bit more.
So now it's all good.
thank you for sharing your story. i agree that perhaps things happen for a reason. i'm moving on and it's not so bad :)
Deletehappy to have you join our community here! it's always exciting to hear from new people. may i ask how you came across the blog?
hope to see you around more,
M
I just managed to happen upon your hardbotlife videos! Of course.
DeleteI honestly thought your perspective was a tiny bit cutting edge right when your videos just came out.
"the internet allows me to be real" is a fave..
I can gauge a girl's intelligence. You're high on the meter.
Thanks, Ryan! (correct me if that is not your name, apologies!) I appreciate the support. The videos are a fun creative outlet to keep my brain from melting after pushing paper back and forth across my desk 9 to 5. I spend most of my days wishing my cubicle would catch on fire.
Deletesuch is life.
The videos are normally posted on here as well. I hid them momentarily because I sent this blog to a few people in hopes of catching their attention (with my writing---and not my personal forays and all the different ways i can scrunch up my face :)
They'll be back up soon. New video up this week too! Subscribe if you haven't! Thanks again!!!!
-m
its called livin !! fall, fail .. then rise n rise n rise .. that's how voldemort try to do it .. Harry potter just did it better
ReplyDeleteAnonymous
Deletemajor brownie points for harry potter reference. you know the way to this girl's heart.
m
but you were supposed to be a pediatrion
ReplyDeletei have to find that book. it'll be worth a bajillion...because of how laughably stupid kids are :)
DeleteM,
ReplyDeleteHere we all thought that you were just a YouTube bimbo.......:)
You actually got a heart inside there. Seriously, have you read the book "Failing Forward" by John Maxwell. Definitely echoes what your post was saying.
I think the main point I take away (which I struggle with) is that we all make mistakes. Grew up in an environment where mistakes were harped on so you try to "avoid them". In fact, mistakes are your best learning tool.
DCL, for someone of your age some might expect you'd be a little wiser in addressing a girl who is also of Asian heritage like us.
ReplyDeleteThat's not going to get you any.
Considering you're prefacing a supposedly positive comment with an undeserved insult.
Better yet, seeing that an Asian sister stands up for her Asian bros might make you think a little higher and realize you ought to return the favor perhaps?
Guess you didn't realize that.
thanks for having my back :)
Delete"Star" (not sure to address you as your name shows a star),
ReplyDeleteOK, I can see how you might take it as an insult to Melissa. That wasn't the intent though. If you ask some folks who know me in person, I've got this witty / sarcastic sense of humor. I use this humor to poke fun at people. I don't just shoot from from the hip though. I've been around the block long enough to know not to just say anything to anyone.
Melissa strikes me as someone who could take humor (and probably dish it just as well). Of course, this is the Internet and thus might not translate well.
Melissa - I apologize for what I said (regardless if you took offense or not).
Thanks for the opinion.
DL
Hey D,
Deletei have to admit, when i first read the comment---though i knew you were joking, it still stung. as a female, it hurts 1000x more when people question your intelligence. you know the stereotype that women are just there to look good but not be heard/have anything thoughtful to contribute to the conversation.
no hard feelings though; i know you didn't mean anything by it and we're glad to have you as a part of our growing family here. you always add to the conversation, and that's what we want with this blog...now if only i can get those other two to stop having such awesome lives outside of the internet to share their stories!
i haven't read that book but I'm always looking for new titles. thanks!
Whew. I can breath now. :)
DeleteRyan (I saw your name in your twitter feed),
ReplyDeleteOne more note, I understand Melissa supporting us. I wouldn't be reading the blog or interacting here if I didn't like it. If I don't like something, I don't frequent it.
I like this blog because I feel Melissa (because she's been the only posting recently) postings relate to me (perhaps when she's referring to her love of Idol or stuff in Texas!)
I don't know if I have explicitly said that but I have interacted here quite a bit.