So I recently joined the dating scene, mainly
because of my 2013 resolution that I needed to date more. Obviously, I wasn’t
getting any action (and by action, I mean dinner dates) by just staying at home
and watching movies. Long story short, I dated this one guy for about two months
and things seemed like they were going well. That is, until we were discussing
Halloween for some God-knows-what reason and he mentioned that he would love to
see his girlfriend in a geisha costume one day. WHAT?! Hold up. Oh…shit. It’s
about to get real up in here!
I kid you not; he also added that “Asian women love
him long time so it wasn’t a problem getting them to wear a geisha costume.”
I flipped out.
I literally stopped talking to him because my “yellow
fever” alarm was blaring. What’s yellow fever you ask? To put it nicely, it’s the
predilection that Western men have for women of Asian descent aka that nasty
fetish when men obsess over Asian women because they are “exotic” or some
bullshit like that. It scares the shit out of me…and it pisses me off that I
didn’t catch this sooner. Now I regret all of the dinner dates we had, even
though it was free. I’m such a gold digger.
It’s this strange, unhealthy obsession that turns me
off to men. Not all men, but if you utter something as stupid as that, then you’re
dead to me. Why can’t you like me for me? For my intelligence? Motivation?
Interests? Not as an object to fulfill your sick desires. Let me tell you,
dating is scary because I’m always on guard for the next ignorant remark about
Asian American women. And I don’t take it lightly. Then you’d wish you never
met me.
Anyone
have any “yellow fever” experiences or stories they would like to share?
If you want to find out more about “yellow fever,”
there is a web series to Debbie Lum’s documentary Single Asian Female that explores this issue. For more information,
visit They're All So Beautiful.
- Diane
This might solve your problem: try dating asian men ;)
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA. Westerners attraction to Asian women doesn't have to be a fantasy/fetish. Some times they just may enjoy those qualities that these particular women possess. It could be the straight jet black hair. Maybe the even glowing skin tone. Maybe the petite frame and distinct features. Every guy who likes Asians aren't perverted geisha lovers (Like that guy). And does every interracial attraction imply some particular fantasy or biased involved?
ReplyDeleteand there it is-a weeaboo trying to deny he's a weeaboo with yellow fever.
Delete"It could be the straight jet black hair. Maybe the even glowing skin tone. Maybe the petite frame and distinct features." the continent of Asia is vast-and not all Asian women have these features. But you presume that they do-as do many en with yellow fever.
"Every guy who likes Asians aren't perverted geisha lovers (Like that guy). And does every interracial attraction imply some particular fantasy or biased involved?" given world history-and especially the history of how Asian women have been treated and their portrayal in media and especially porn you cant ignore that in quite a lot of these cases those dynamics come into play. but yes, anon, try and distance yourself from that guy in the article (psstt-its not working!)
dvhstudios - You would think that would be an easy solution but alas, Asian American men don't find me attractive. And I don't know how to remedy that. Really, I'm open to interracial dating as long as the person has some substance, goals, and motivation.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - Not ALL Western men have a fetish for Asian women (I was careful with my wording). But typically, it isn't uncommon to see this fetish manifest itself in this society because of the way media portrays us and the stereotypes we face. There is a long history as to how this fetish developed. Anyways, not every guy is a perverted geisha lover but a line has to be drawn when you come to expect something from us that's ascertained to a certain stereotype. That goes for any type of interracial dating/attraction.
Hum, maybe this can be the remedy: get a PS3 and start playing Street Fighter 4!
DeleteI've been trying to write a serious reply but it's late and all I've been able to type is structureless. Thus delete.
dvhstudios - And how would this remedy help me? And you don't have to write a serious reply all the time! :)
DeleteDiane,
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to hear a "balanced" perspective from an Asian-American woman. Too many times, we get the "I date only white men" syndrome and that is not productive when those women are just spewing hate against Asian men.
I thought about blogging about how I see Asian / Asian-Amiercan women dating patterns from friends and others but decided against it. Since we're here, let me offer some thoughts:
1.
There are a LOT of Asian women in Diane's shoes. They may "prefer" Asian men but for whatever reason, guys don't approach or just don't like them. It's a mix of reasons. Guys can be shy. The women doesn't quite fit the man's standards, etc, etc. Diane (like others) sometime don't have a choice and try dating others.
2.
"I don't date Asian Men" women. These are quite annoying in the sense that they just dismiss everyone without a second thought. Daniel Dae Kim or John Cho could walk by and they wouldn't give a damn. The funny thing about these women is these gals usually prefer "white men". I've always thought that I shouldn't feel bad since these women dismiss black and Latino men as well.
3.
There are women who have dated a ton of men (Asian included) and settled on a white / black / hispanic guy . A female friend of mine dated a guy friend of mine (Asian) in high into college. Dated some hispanic dude for a while and now is attached to a white guy. This female friend definitely is NOT a petite type so she didn't get a lot of attention from Asian guys. Too bad as she's got a good personality. These women are fair though may get a bad rap for getting with a white guy in this day and age.
4.
There are Asian women who either don't date white guys or tried and didn't see anything special. The last girl I dated semi-seriously (for about 2 to 3 months) told me she dated mostly Asian. She also dated some white guys but she didn't find anything special. She just got married to an Asian guy recently.
5.
Foreign born girls are a mixed bag. I've heard from some folks that most Japanese women who immigrate to the US states are usually semi-outcasts and want to marry non-Japanese/Asian. I know a few foreign born Japanese gals who all married white guys though one Japanese gal married a Japanese guy. Chinese girls are more traditional from what I see but you get a share of them dating non-Asian/Chinese.
Sorry for the LONG comment but here's the thing that is a little frustrating. Asian-Americans like Diane or Melissa know of the stereotypes and rebel against them. However, I don't think foreign born women are as aware. I'm not saying the foreign born women will play into the geisha stereotypes intentionally. But when they come to the US, they may find the attention they get from guys flattering rather than scary.
Good post Diane. I may comment more in a bit......trying to finish a late dinner....hahahaha
Sigh...the moment you write a lengthy answer to a comment and it disappears when you try to submit it? Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn it!!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks DCL! I've definitely seen the different types of women you mentioned in the dating scene. It bothers me when Asian women choose certain races over others, especially white men, AND hate on Asian men. You can date who you like (it doesn't matter to me) but if you demean and internalize stereotypes of a certain group, that's where it crosses the line for me. Personally, I just love all men haha! However, I'm hesitant about dating white men because I feel that they are less likely to understand the experiences and struggles of a person of color. Mainly, my dating pool consists of men of color, more specifically blacks and Latinos. (It maybe my body type or personality - who knows? But I tend to attract them.) It is more likely that I can relate with them regarding experiences as a person of color. I really delve into substance when it comes to dating though. If I had to choose between a white guy who was open-minded and understood issues of equity and social justice versus an Asian guy who was very conservative and close-minded, I'd probably choose the white guy. It really depends. I mean, hell, my dream guy is Jeremy Lin (PSA: If anyone can make this connection happen, DO IT and I will pay you back with my love…or food.) Overall, dating is complex, and at times, I don’t know if my critical analysis can be my downfall or a good standard to have.
ReplyDelete-Diane
Good taste! Jeremy Lin is awesome! Good luck!
DeleteI was writing a long winded response but maybe I'll save it for later. :) Let me hit some of your points though:
ReplyDeleteI can't speak for white guys being understanding of social issues. There's a mix of guys that end of being tied to Asian women. Some are "nerdy" or semi-outcast guys that end up being part of the "Asian" community. There are the more confident / successful white guys and in those cases, the Asian woman is essentially a banana, the only Asian person in a white social group.
As for you Diane, I'm sure some of the black / hispanic guys appreciate you for being open to them. A asian female friend (from Taiwan) told an interesting story once. A black co-worker asked why asian women dated white guys so much! Forget the "yellow fever" for a second. There is an incredible amount of "white worship". I'm not sure Asian women realize this themselves.
Lastly, it's too bad you (and Melissa) are off in your parts of the world. I know Melissa is in Texas, I believe you were in Washington DC (you are, I just rechecked your bio). It seems like we would have a lot to talk about. :)
While my chances of going to Texas are quite nil (Sorry Melissa!), I actually fly to Washington Dulles at least once a year. My company's corporate office is in Sterling, VA. I flew to Virginia in January for a kickoff meeting and then came back again in March for some training. If the opportunity arises, maybe we can meet up and discuss the Asian-American community issues we talk about here. :)
Hi, I founded your blog by accident. Anyways I'm an Asian woman, and was stuck in the same boat as you. I wanted men to like me for me . I live in CA, and there is a lot of Asian women/White men couples down here. Most Asian guys don't talk to me, and the ones who like me ... well basically we don't share the same views. Good that you respect yourself and left that guy with the fetish. A therapist once told me that fetishes are real ;in general ... but we did not talk about Yellow Fever, because she might be mad at me. White guys...I met only the strange or ugly(to me) who liked me . I leave them alone. I'm happily married now to an half East Asian/ white man.
ReplyDeleteHop you find someone who likes you for you and not because of your race or generalizations about your gender and race .
I want to share a trusted and reliable dating site that I know and try it myself is globogirls.com, when you decide your social life needs some improvement and you would ultimately like to meet someone special and to be safe on a dating site is to be very cautious and get to know people before you meet them. There are a lot of success stories from almost all the dating sites, but there is no guarantee on any of them that you will find your perfect match, so I hope you find your soul mate there :)
ReplyDeleteDiane,
ReplyDeleteYou have a jaw-line that would post most male body-builders to shame. You might want to get your testosterone levels checked. I'd just be happy anyone wants to date you! You'd be laughed out of dating back in Asia - you would not be a desirable mate.
Thanks!
This is stupid, you one of those boring woman obviously. guys are guys, we have our fantasies who cares. some dudes digg asian chicks nothing wrong with that.
ReplyDeleteWhen you might be accomplished reading this information, you will not solely possess a greater perception of things to carry out to obtain having a chick with one of these exclusive adult dating site, nevertheless included in the package know what to never carry out and which often issues to prevent when you complement.
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ReplyDeleteHello Diane.
ReplyDeleteI think I have yellow fever. But I don't want to have yellow fever. I really, really don't. And I don't know why I have it. I don't make any assumptions about any girl's personality before I've spoken to her, I don't project any discernible stereotypes on a given ethnicity, and if Asian girls DID fit this "shy, submissive, subservient" stereotype, I would be immediately put off because that type of girl is boring to me. My attraction to a person isn't based purely on physicality, though I discriminate against attractive girls who are unintelligent more than average-looking girls who are unintelligent. I like girls who have a sense of humour, are artistic, and share my enthusiasm for things like music and reading. I am, however, only human, so physical attraction is a factor. I find girls of other ethnicities attractive too.
Yet my fever persists; though I'm open to all ethnicities, I prefer Asian women (East Asian, South-east Asian, we all know what I mean here) over, say, Latin women, or European women, or Middle-eastern women, or whatever else (again purely on physical attraction; I prefer Hispanic accents, and dislike the noises that native Japanese women make on the porn movies I've seen. I also take exception to the untended pubic area, but again, this is all just my personal taste. I understand the comments on native Japanese women's sounds during sex and their prevalent pubic laxity may be grossly offensive, but I can't help disliking certain sounds or excessive pubic foliage). I can only conclude that it is in fact purely physical, i.e., I have a strong sexual preference for good-looking Asian girls. How do I cure myself of this? This post isn't sarcasm. It's quite serious. I'm tired of being internally seduced by good-looking Asian girls without understanding why, and of being labelled as having "yellow fever" by my friends who know I like how Asian women look (not all; some, perhaps many, are totally unattractive to me, and not only because they're outside my age range). To put it another way, if I rate a girl's looks out of 10, as many guys do amongst themselves, however deep or shallow, I'm more likely to upscore an cute Asian girl who others may find to be deserving of an equal score to a cute White or Latin girl.
How can I make this stop? Is this even genuine yellow fever? I'm so confused. Please don't take this post as being trolling or anything like that. I don't want to be considered to have yellow fever, or to have yellow fever, I don't know how or why this happened and it's actually quite distressing, because of the negative reaction it generates. Can you suggest anything to help me overcome this?
Dude, preference is fine. The problem is that it's when a person likes me because he stereotypes a personality based on my race. It's both racist and creepy as hell. A guy who likes Every asian girl because all asian girls "submissive" is fetishing and really haven't bothered to get to know the girl. ...that's creepy.
DeleteMy white ex-bf, with whom I am still close friends, clearly has caught yellow fever. I am black Irish and very petite with long hair, but he decided that the Asian version of me is even better. Since me (and we joke about this all the time), he has dated three much younger very slim Asian girls in a row. Each has long black hair, and each weighs by my estimation less than 90 lbs. The thing is he is by nature a very dominant man -- not unkind at all, just super dominant with women probably without even realizing it -- and I suppose that works perfectly with many Asian girls. They get a more upscale white bf and the attendant status upgrade, and he gets a pint-sized toy who as far as I can tell will do anything he wants. Doesn't take a genius to see why such relationships work.
ReplyDeleteI'm a South asian male and I lived in Tokyo Japan for a year because Tokyo is an amazing place and I wanted to get away from it all here in North America. When I came back to Toronto I was placed in the "you must like Japanese/Asian girls" section of males every time I talked about my amazing experience with the people of Japan. I do not just exclusively date Asian women my tastes can range depending on personality and communication. And I'm also Asian with brown skin and round eyes but I'm still Asian and it's very sad to hear the "you got yellow fever" stereo type against me! Yes I like my own women also! Lol.
ReplyDeleteI'm a black male and admit to having yellow fever since I was about 20 years old. When I was in high school I wasn't attracted to Asian girls at all, but would admire this one Asian girl in my typing class that sat next to me, she had a very nice body with really nice shaped legs(Yes I'm a leg man). That may be where my so called "Yellow Fever" started but didn't pay attention to it at that time. After high school my first long term girlfriend was Japanese and Spanish but looks totally Japanese. She played volleyball in high school and college so she had a very nice athletic build. I am attracted to women that are athletically built of all races but I'm sharing how I developed yellow fever here. Anyway we were together for about 3 years even lived together. She gave me a very good example of Asian culture, was good to me and was born here California. We broke up later and I dated different races here and there even my own kind but ended up with a filipino woman who I ended up marrying. She also showed me a good example of her culture. It didn't workout but still are good friends til this day. After my divorce I dated, Japanese, Korean, and women from the Philipines. My friends always teased and labeled me of having this yellow fever. I never had any fantasies of Asian women dressing up in geisha outfits but am attracted how clean and well kept Asian women are in there culture. I respect the culture and respect if an Asian female is not into black men. Now I kind of have not approached many Asian women because most of them these days mostly go for white men and I mean I'm seeing them worship white men to where i hear them brag about it (yes I've heard some say this). I am totally for interracial relationships but I personally don't think any woman should worship any man of a certain race. If you are attracted to a certain race then you should just be attracted to that certain race but not worship or brag about it. All the dating sites I see Asian women only requesting white men and honestly its not a problem to me but I do feel bad for a lot of Asian men out there who want to date there own. There are also hispanic men, middle eastern, etc who also admire Asian women but get shut down because of today's preference on these sites and blogs I see. Its also sad because I know a lot of cool Asian guys that want to date there own kind among other race of men. I have to admit this has kind of turned me off of Asian women and now I am trying to get rid of my so called yellow fever but do still observe and admire Asian women out there. I'm don't mean to sound like I'm generalizing because I know not all Asian women are like this and I have met some really open minded and nice Asian women. I'm just commenting to say that there are other race of men out there that do admire Asian women but may not approach them because of these preferences. I hope I didn't come off offensive in any way because that's not my intention. Much love
ReplyDeleteWhy do you negroes come to an asian site and ruin it for everybody!
Delete@JulieAmy, if you are fantasizing about interracial dating, it's a sign that you might want to examine yourself closely.
ReplyDelete