Everything Below The Neck

lately, i've been thinking a lot about the asian male body.

some of it is inspired by dialogue that's been swirling around social media about masculinity and asian american men, and the rest of it is driven by my own eyebrow-wiggling and awkward winks at my computer screen when sexy actors appear on my favorite korean dramas.

i'm sure you've all read the many articles floating around like:

• http://danielmagazine.com/photographing-the-inner-and-outer-beauty-of-the-asian-male/
• http://alist-magazine.com/home/a-conversation-on-asian-american-men-and-masculinity/
• http://thoughtcatalog.com/grace-jung/2013/11/i-am-producing-a-film-about-asian-american-gangsters-of-atlanta/

and heard about the new documentary in the works, A-Town Boyz, discussing the desirability and visibility of asian men.



i'm glad this has become a hot topic because if there's anything i love diving deeply into and getting involved with, it's hot men.

asian men are sexy. i think the problem lies in how we define masculinity. we need to get rid of this 1-dimensional understanding of manhood as strong, burly, rough men––that's not to say asian men don't fit that. some do. and then there are plenty of sexy as fuck asian men who are skinny, soft spoken, wear a hell of a lot of make up, and/or are artists.

with that said, allow me to introduce my latest project: Pretty Plastic Faces: Everything Perfect About Korean Dramas.  here, you'll find my most thoughtful commentary on asia's sexiest men and the wonderful world of kdramas. you can read deep, though-provoking gems on male masculinity and visibility such as

"i'd like to lick all that caked-on foundation off of chil bong's plastic, beautiful face."

"i'm just sayin', if i ever sex'ed it with a korean man and we wanted children, i'd be scared that they'd come out looking nothing like the dude…and that's kind of exciting."

"i want the boys over flowers dvd set. i want to pry it from Lee Min Ho's hands in person."

i'm going to say it and i hope that you will join me in objectifying the fuck out of appreciating asian male bodies: i do, will, and plan to sleep with a lot of asian men.

hana, dul, set! press play and let us ogle the men together at Pretty Plastic Faces.

-m

a story about love

almost a year ago to date, a movie came out called moonshine kingdom that had everyone swooning. a wes anderson creation, you couldn't go to any hip coffee shop or indie theater without hearing the irony-clad gush -- much like most of wes anderson's creations.

at the core of the film, lay a little boy who would do anything for love and to believe in love -- a sweet story really, too bad it was wrapped in an ugly pretentious and oversized sweater, no-doubt purchased from an overpriced thrift store.

matthew mcconaughey stars in a new film titled, mud. what the fuck it's about, the title will not tell you -- nor will the trailer, really. but damn it was a good trailer -- well, as good of a trailer can be starring matthew mcconaughey -- and i don't have much going on on sundays other than it being the holy day of sleep, eat, and clean, so i went to see mud and how refreshing it was to find a movie about a young boy who would do anything for love and to believe in love, sans sweater.

i really can't say much more about the film, not because there are crazy plot twists or big reveals or explosions or whateverthefuck else hollywood likes to put out (though, confession: i did thoroughly enjoy every explosion in the new star trek), but because it is just a simple, straightforward love story -- except instead of boy meets girl and discovers love, it's more like boy fights for love, all shades of it.

much like its title, mud is a subtle and unassuming film that you don't see coming until it wraps you in its arms and warms the deep, dark abyss of your heart; until it goads you, unknowingly, to move to a new city, to go against everyone's advice, to dance irreverently at all hours of the day, to sometimes live beyond your means and other times live so beyond what you thought life would mean.

sort of like love.

*

i'll be traveling to see family next week, so i won't be writing anything for next thursday -- instead, i'll be knee-deep in love, of all shades.

see you next, next thursday,
m

one day i will stop procrastinating

maybe tomorrow.

you guys, i'm sorry, but when we did our quickie last week -- you know with the champagne and the fireplace, and then there was that bit about pulling a blanket up over us -- well, what did you think would happen? something damn good, because i've been preoccupied and tied up under that blanket all week.

and as a result, i still have deadlines that need slaying. so off i go.

TOO MANY CRAFTS, TOO LITTLE TIME

i promise to emerge from blanket before next thursday this time though.

maybe.

see you next thursday (under the blanket *wiggles eyebrows*),

m

You’re too fat. You’re too skinny. Your butt is too big. F***, can I just eat this burger?!

Ok, I’m finally back from my hiatus. I know you all were eagerly awaiting my arrival. Last week, it was my birthday so there were some celebrations in place. Let’s just say I have a lovely reminder of my birthday weekend with my clothes spattered in throw-up (not mine, by the way. Ain’t that some shit??). Eh, it is what it is. I’m a year older and I thank the Lord for this and for all the blessings in my life.

So, I’ve been meaning to blog on this topic – body image – as a follow up to my last post. Has anyone been through this?

Mom: “You’re too fat. Your butt is really big too. You need to diet.”

A week later….

Mom: “You’re too skinny. You need to eat more.”

A week later…

Mom: “You’re getting a little chub chub there. As long as you exercise, you can eat anything.”

You get the point. After a while, I was seriously like, “Mom, I’m still going to eat this damn burger and YES, it’s going to my hips! And YES, I don’t care!” I know I’m not the only one out there who has had to deal with Asian parents and the never-ending body scrutinizing. I think at one time last year, my dad just looked at me and just said “Fat.” Nothing else. Come on pops….you gonna do me like that?!

Growing up, I’ve always had low self-esteem about my body and the way it looked; hell, I’m still self-conscious about it today but I’m working on it! And I love my parents and I know they had my best interests in mind, but it wasn’t easy grappling with my body image hearing those comments. This plays into the bigger picture of how female bodies are “supposed” to look in today’s society. It’s sexy if you’re a size 0 and are super slim. You have to starve yourself to look “good.” I mean, men even have a say in what they think women’s bodies should look like! Women hate on each other and in my own experience, they can be the harshest critics. It really makes me angry seeing women struggle with their body image because 1) it’s discouraging and 2) it can cause mental, emotional, and physical issues.

I bring this up because I just want women to see how beautiful their bodies are. Everyone is unique. Love your body. If you want to eat a damn pizza slice, then fucking do it. If you want to lift weights, then go ahead (you’re not going to get swole like a dude)! If you have curves, then flaunt it! You’re not “fat.” And no matter what anyone says, you’re fucking beautiful. I am sick and tired of seeing women depriving their bodies, trying to fit into a standard that is just not healthy or positive. 

Now, excuse me while I go stuff my face with this pizza. Because I'm beautiful. And I'll do what I fucking want. Bitch.

-Diane

love your mama

hello friends,

i must confess i have let deadlines creep, and can not spend as much time with you this thursday night as i would like to.

if i had my way, i would bust out the bubbly and cozy up to all of you. knock back a few until that awkward silence blanketed the room; our eyes would meet, our hands would touch, and then i would ugly-cry about how much i adore my dear young mother.

but alas, i'll have to get a raincheck and instead leave you with a surrogate: writer mary h k choi penned a fucking awesome piece about her foreign mother and succinctly expressed the pangs of growing up with a mom who packed stinky food in your school lunch when you were 12, followed by the longing you feel at the age of 20-something, wishing she would fill your silent second-floor studio, 1200 miles away, with those same familiar smells of home.

I then did what any normal kid would do and yelled and yelled about how embarrassing it was to have her at school with me during lunch of all times. She presented me with a sack of cheeseburgers that I could give out to my friends. I refused the damp bag and screeched about how it was so cheap that she didn’t spring for bright red boxes with toys for them as well. I made her take the burgers back with her. If I were an actress and had to think of something sad to make me cry in a scene, I would think about this moment. 

... She said that when I was four, I stole hundreds of dollars from her and bribed my bus driver to drop me off last and to make a pitstop at the deli so I could buy candy on my way home. I’d stuffed the change in my shallow pinafore pockets and when my mother frantically berated me for stealing the money and trying to get myself kidnapped, I told her I loved money more than I loved her. These days I don’t love money how I used to. My mom though, I’m crazy about.  

read it here and tell me what terrible things your mother did when you were a child, and what you wish she would still do for you now (laundry, hugs, take me to taco bell, brush my hair, and tell me not to go out past 8 pm because i'll get pregnant come to mind).

see you next thursday,
-m

p.s. the writer is from texas.

how to give body image the finger

sometimes i like to have cake for breakfast, a doughnut or two for lunch, and some chocolate chip cookies for dinner because i'm a mother fucking adult. i pay rent, i go to work, and i'm working on securing some health benefits one day in the distant future--so i can eat cake for breakfast if i want to. but of course, this celebratory lifestyle leads to those days when my jeans feel tight, my coat won't button, and my mood gets real sour. here are a few things i do to feel instantly better:

1. tilt your mirror at an angle
while trying on clothes at h&m a few weeks ago, i caught myself thinking, damn i look good and i knew it wasn't the cheap, questionable quality of h&m ware, so i peeked around the corner of the floor length mirror to see what sexy magical nymph was mimicking my moves in the mirror--and lo and behold, i noticed just how angled the mirror was. now, i'm really bad at math (defying stereotypes, holla), but if i had to guess i'd say the mirror was propped up at a nearly 30 degree angle--the perfect number to make me look tall, skinny, and smug as hell.

so, like any asshole who makes you feel fat, ugly, or unworthy, handle it and make that bitch lean (30 degrees or so).

2. be active doing the things you like
while i get stupid-excited about the chance to sit on the couch all day and do nothing the way other people get stupid-excited about porn--i concede i must undergo some sort of physical activity to burn off the cinnamon rolls i consume by the dozen. however, no one said you have to go to the gym. fuck gyms. gyms are for pretty people being pretty in front of other pretty people -- or swole people being swole in front of other swole people ... or for the very few, normal people trying to work out, but you average outliers, i have nothing to say to you, carry on. i like to climb, boulder, jump animatedly at the prospect of a warm cinnamon roll, and roll around in the grass with my dog. these are all physical activities that burn cinnamon roll calories.

so, do fun things that require moving your limbs; chase food trucks, take up kick boxing, try yoga, stalk a really active person, or whatever other fun things kids are doing now.

3. eat whatever the fuck you want
as long as you have some vegetables to balance out the gluttony (cauliflower chocolate cake, just sayin'), then my god eat whatever the hell tickles your fancy. eat cake for breakfast and a chocolate covered churro for lunch, eat an avocado at 2 am between fisting drinks, and then finish off the night by eating a sexy ass man or woman before bed. enjoy everything you put in your mouth, and don't punish yourself for having a good time.

so, know your limits and eat accordingly--some of us have been training for the last 26 years and can easily polish off an entire bag of chips in one sitting. word.

4. use your scale upside down
fuckkkk scales. turn that piece of shit upside down and then step up on it. assess your weight by how you feel. here's my mantra: today, i ______, ate _______, and feel _________.  so as i stepped on my overturned scale earlier tonight i said: today, i walked around costco (which equals a thousand miles because  it's stupidily big), ate a dozen rainbow-colored macarons and a churro, and feel fucking awesome.

so, do that. because the number behind how much you weigh isn't nearly as significant as how you feel at that weight. jokes aside, if you are feeling heavy and sluggish at your current weight, don't beat yourself up and don't harp on what the scale says (because fuck scales). just do more of the above fun stuff and perhaps eat just 6 macarons instead of 12.

5. fuck being happy about your body
body image bullshit comes in 2 magazine headlines: 1) how to get the perfect body  2) how to be perfectly content with your body. with either choice, you're still seeking perfection and what other aspect of your life is ever 100% perfect? sometimes you love your job and are perfectly content and other times you want to set your cubicle on fire--i absolutely adore and love my perfect dog, charlie, but sometimes he takes a giant shit on my laptop, and i love him a little less.

so, be ok with the fact that some days you're going to love your body a little less (like when you're hung over). some days you'll rub your little rice pouch and wonder if you should have had that extra bowl for dinner (yes.) whereas other days your arms look stellar in that corduroy vest (because who.the.fuck. doesn't look stellar in a corduroy vest). for the days that i really feel the prominence of my pouch, i don my favorite pair of jeans or that hot dress that i think i look awesome in and get.the.fuck on with life. if you think you look good, so will everyone else.

6. cut the size tags off all your clothes
just fucking do it.

what are your favorite ways to give body image the finger? leave your suggestions in the comments because i may or may not have--but most definitely did eat a shoe box-sized mound of french fries before typing this out, and will be tilting my mirror a little more than 30 degrees tomorrow.

see you next thursday,
melissa

A Little Love Goes a Long Way

I literally went MIA last week due to the events that occurred. The Boston bombings and the Texas plant explosion had me distracted and following every piece of information I possibly could for 5 days straight. It was a strange week and one that was draining and emotional.

All in all, I was reminded that life is too short. I need to find a way to deal with life's challenges and failures in a more positive way and value the relationships I have. I thank God everyday that through His grace, I make it through the day. Every day is a blessing in some little way. Seeing runners' vigils being organized in honor of Boston victims across the country was inspiring and touching. A little love goes a long way.

Anyways, I've been reflecting a lot in the past week and a half but you'll see a new entry soon! I'll follow up on Melissa's previous entry about CrossFit and the Paleo lifestyle as well as body image. I'll also provide some tips and advice for those who are interested in or would like to start strength training! Stay tuned!

-Diane

boston, texas, and places beyond

friends, there has been much to be sad about lately.

by now, you have seen the heart-stopping video; the panic in it is palatable. i'm sure your entire office stopped to read every new update just as mine did.
the explosions were horrific, and the events that have unfolded afterward are terrible.
my heart is heavy for the three that died and the hundreds that were hurt, that's a given. but what i was hoping we could discuss are the actions of others after––both the good and bad.

the good are the hundreds who aided victims by tying tourniquets, comforting the scared, continuing to run straight to the hospital to donate blood after running 26 miles in the marathon, wheeling the injured to medical attention, and all the folks who offered up their homes and hearts to the displaced or lonely.

but the bad, the bad sings a sorrowful song so familiar it rings in my ears, pounds in my head, and aches in my heart.

• why did someone tackle a young man who was injured and running from the very same bomb that so many others were hurt by and running from?
• why did cnn report that folks should be on the look out for a "dark-skinned or black male with a possible foreign accent" when no one knew (and still don't know) who was behind the attack?
• why was a man, who was leaving a mosque in queens, threatened with a gun?
• why was a 17 year old accused of being the bomber?
• why was a mother called a terrorist?
• why was a man in new york beaten and called a 'a (expletive) Arab'?

Ibrahim Hooper, council national communications director, said the council is urging Muslim individuals and Islamic institutions to review advice on security procedures contained in its "Muslim Community Safety Kit." 

• why does there need to be a Muslim Community Safety Kit?

of course, i know the answer to these questions. 

as if there wasn't enough hurt this week, last night there was a large fertilizer plant explosion in west texas where as many as 35 could be dead and hundreds injured. and as i type this now, i see updates from friends about a shooting in boston as well as possible explosive detonations; a bomb exploded in a coffee shop in baghdad killing 27; 30 workers on a farm in greece were shot after disputing unpaid wages; 42 people were killed in a series of car bombs in Iraq; there is some serious shit going on in syria; and the us senate rejected background checks for gun purchases and banning semi-automatic weapons modeled after military assault rifles (because it would have just made too much sense). 

there is much to be sad about, my friends.

swolder status

hello there friends!

did y'all read Diane's post on gymin' ladies? i must admit that i have no knowledge of swole-dering (swole for those of you outside of the south is getting buff), but i do from time-to-time leave my computer long enough do a sit-up or two. (not. i fucking hate sit ups. you either love my belly or get-da-fuck-outta-here.)

i agree with D that no woman should have to feel uncomfortable at the gym, and should be able to get her swole on wherever she wants. i'm a climber, so my gyms are usually filled with a different crowd (though there are definitely some nose-to-the-sky folks too) of stick-thin men who work out against working out. they're anti-swole, bearded, sensitive men and the female-to-male ratio at most climbing gyms is pretty even because, well, women are awesome. why not have gaggles of them nearby?

and while we're on the topic of fitness -- would love to know more about your clean eating, D. if i am not mistaken, i believe our Lady D follows a paleo diet and is an avid crossfitter -- two things that i hear are male-dominant. Would be great to hear more about the gender gap in those crowds too.

i'm curious, what's everyone else's gym like? or if you don't go to the gym (good for you), how do you keep healthy (my answer: eating poorly and aging badly).

as for what she wrote about being afraid of me, well, what can i say:

i'd be intimidated of me too. 

See you next thursday,

-melissa

Women and Weightlifting: I'm Getting My Sexy Fitness On

Hey everyone! Things have calmed down at work so I’m finally getting to post this entry on my regularly scheduled day, as per my agreement with Melissa. Plus, I’m deathly afraid of Melissa; so I know if I don’t post something, I’ll suffer the ramifications of her wrath.

One extremely important but random update for today? It is hot as balls in my office. It’s feeling like spring outside at a nice, warm 85 degrees; however, facilities refuse to turn on the AC in the building because they are afraid it may get cold again. My coworkers and I look like we just popped mollies and we sweatin!! I was really tempted to take a half day and stand in front of my freezer but alas, Whole Foods has a sale on boxes of mangoes for $7.99 each! So, I’m trekking outside to covet these goodies. I’m a happy girl J Update: I just went to Whole Foods and the mangoes were gone. Motherfucker.

Anyways, I wanted to approach the topic of exercise and gender roles at the gym. It’s been on my mind but an incident last week pushed me to finally write about it. It seems trouble is always looking for me…especially in the form of douchebags. I was at the gym one morning, getting my sexy fitness on with the squat rack when a guy approached me and said something along the lines of “you should lift some lighter dumbbells; the squats you’re doing are too heavy.” I thought about releasing my inner bitch but decided against it since it was so early in the morning. I opted to say, “I’m okay here at the squat rack. You can lift the dumbbells if you want but I’m fine where I’m at.” *Bitch stare* My sister knows what my bitch stare looks like and is probably laughing her ass off now. 

I mean what kind of bullshit is that?! When it comes to the gym, it is apparent how segregated it is and how gender roles impact physical fitness for both men and women. You have men who dominate the weight room, grunting and screaming, like a scene out of a horror film. You have women who take over the cardio machines, torturing themselves for hours (surprisingly, their makeup is still on. That’s suspect.) There is no intermingling between the two in the weight room. 

As an Asian American woman, I not only have to struggle with these gender roles but with people’s preconceived notions of me as an ethnic minority. I’m Asian so therefore, I have to be petite and skinny right? What am I doing with these heavy weights? I thought about what the guy had mentioned to me, and it just goes to show how prevalent these gender roles are, even in our everyday routines. That being said, I’m a huge proponent of strength training, especially HEAVY strength training. I think that women shouldn’t be afraid to confidently walk into the free weight area and push themselves. We’re not going to get big and buff like men because we do NOT have testosterone (and those who are freakishly ripped are probably on steroids by the way). Women can lift just like men and be strong and sexy.

Case in point:

 

I don’t want to bore you to death so I’ll leave it at that for today. In connection to this entry, I’m going to discuss my experience as an Asian American woman struggling with body image next week. Stay tuned!

-Diane